Born to Run
The thunder of bombshells filled the air as the lonely solider fled from the ambush. You could feel and see the fear seeping from the young soldier's face as he ran on nothing but adrenaline. Being the only soldier left in his platoon he had nothing left to do but run; all he could think, "how can my feet go faster?", or, "where can I go?".
Just two minutes earlier this soldier was eating breakfast with his buddies at their latest encampment. When, unexpectedly his unit was bombarded with firepower that could knock out an entire city. Somehow, this man survived and subsequently, ran.
Not a single idea in his head as to where he was located, the soldier acted on instinct and simply ran, and continued to run; through the rugged train of Afghanistan and beyond. Constantly hoping he would stumble upon a U.S. military base or some type of group that could be of assistance to him.
Fear was at its peak as it pounded away at the young soldiers heart when suddenly I opened my eyes. It was all I dream. Was I the soldier? What does this mean? Then I remembered later that day I had a big race; maybe this was a way of preparing me for an all out sprint ...
I hope you don't mind me being critical, because it is very well written, but I much prefer it when people criticize my writing because it helps me improve.
ReplyDeleteI like a lot of the vocabulary you used but I think that you lead into the story too much. It sounds more like you're writing the first chapter in a story rather than telling the story itself. There is a lot of brunt details that still leave some very important questions unanswered. I think that if you had left more of the details out, or had been more vague it would have flowed better. Other than that, great stuff.
Very creative.. I like how you tie it all together and make it all a dream at the end of the story. Good work
ReplyDelete